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Lena Dunham gets animated on Cartoon Network

on Feb 25, 13 • by • with No Comments

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mmmmm, cake…

Cartoon Network announced today a new animated spin-off of Girls, the hit show on Time-Warner sister network HBO.

The show, which is called Animated Hannah (in reference to the Girls‘ protagonist, Hannah Horvath), is the brain-child of Girls creator, Lena Dunham who will write, executive produce, and voice the main character, also called Animated Hannah.

Much like the original show, Animated Hannah follows the gritty travails of Hannah and her friends, as they strive and explore what it means to become women in modern New York City.

Just as on Girls, Animated Hannah will be naked a lot and have sex with characters who are way better looking than she is. Like light-years more attractive. And get this – she fucks ALL of them.

In the first episode alone Animated Hannah beds Superman, Spiderman and Green Lantern, voiced by a shirt-less Ryan Reynolds with whom Dunham insisted she get to tongue kiss in the real-life recording session. There is also rumor of a late-season girl-on-girl scene between Animated Hannah and Jessica Rabbit.

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Hannah Horvath scoring rich doctor ass on HBO’s Girls.

Apparently Dunham takes very seriously her character’s ability to “date” way above her physical pay-grade, and will tolerate no dissension on the matter, firing at least one fellow producer who questioned the script choices.

The banished producer spoke to BAC on condition of anonymity, citing his fear of Hollywood’s feminist hegemony and his hope to one day work with Judd Apatow.

He described the incident, “All I said was, ‘are you sure Animated Hannah wouldn’t be more comfortable in a relationship with, say, Shaggy from Scooby-Doo?'”

He continued, “And she freaks out! She goes, ‘You mean the dirty stoner who lives in a van with his dog? No thanks. Animated Hannah scores proper dick.'”

Dunham wouldn’t speak directly about the incident, but replied generally, “Just because Hannah’s not physically beautiful in a traditional way, she should date some loser? Anyone who thinks like that is a sexist pig who sub-consciously hates his mom and sisters.”

The producer considered Dunham’s remarks, “Not physically beautiful? As if Hannah is attractive in some other way! She’s a rude, self-absorbed, fair-weather friend who dresses like a homeless person.”

“I get that her imperfect body represents the struggle between self-confidence and chronic insecurity, and that her physical nudity represents like actual existential vulnerability. But would it kill her to go to the gym once-a-month?” he said. “They’re going to have to draw her in Squiggle Vision!”

After calming down a bit, the producer continued, “I’m sorry I said that. Honestly, I don’t care if she’s a little heavy. What’s missing in her sexuality isn’t great abs – it’s self-respect.”

“But maybe that’s why the show is called Girls instead of Women.” he concluded.

Nudity controversy aside, Dunham intends to avoid some of the negative publicity that plagued the original show, such as the outcry over the lack of diversity on the pretty much all-white cast.

Said Dunham, “Animated Hannah will feature a diverse cast from all races and strata of society. Season One includes prominent roles for several black characters, including Fat Albert, Little Bill and The Backyardigans.”

When asked if she was sure the Backyardigans are African-American, Dunham replied, “Their names are ‘Tyrone’ and ‘Uniqua.’ You do the math.”

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